MindKit

We got here over a month ago and so far, I am liking it here. I have enrolled in language course that will run for about two months and after that, I can think of getting a full time job. For the meantime I thought of getting a side job during the days I am not at school and with the help of a friend I was able to sort of find one. I got an interview and my interviewer already expressed her interest to have me teach in their school but they only need teachers for Saturday classes so unfortunately for me, I can’t take the job.

Francis has to work from 8am to 5pm daily but most of the time he works until 7pm or 8pm. This doesn’t give us so much time for each other during the weekdays so we badly want our weekends to be work free. This is the reason why I can’t take teaching jobs on Saturdays or Sundays.

I politely declined the offer to teach on the weekends and I asked them if they could assign a job for me from Monday to Friday but sadly, they are not in need of teachers for the weekday classes. That was disappointing but towards the end of the interview, my interviewer asked me again if I am sure about my decision not to accept the offered weekend classes. I courteously said that I am sure about it and that I am sorry. Then she told me that she’ll keep my contact details so she can call me once they have a vacancy for weekday classes and she also said that I should call her immediately if I changed my mind about teaching on Saturdays.

So anyway, for a certain time (a few days), I think that that job will be there for me so I said “I sort of find a teaching job”. I honestly believe that my interviewer likes to have me join their teaching staff and for me, it would me very nice and convenient to teach in their school. But perhaps, this job is not for me or it’s not yet the right time to have this job. I don’t know but I’ll wait and I’ll keep looking for a teaching job because it would be nice to be able to teach again.

Things are looking up for us and I am quite pleased.

We will move in another city and we will stay there for two years. In this time, I don’t know if I will be able to find a day job and I don’t know if I would even try to find one. I am happy with my blogging and I do earn money from it and that should be okay for now.

These two years can be spent on something else like going back to school for instance. I have a degree in Education but right now I have a growing interest in web and graphic designing so if I can find a suitable school then I will most probably study.

Why do I feel so busy when in fact I can’t find anything to do?

There are no writing opportunities that interest me at the moment so I can’t update all of my blogs. It looks like this month is going to be very dry for me.

I always feel tired. The kind of tiredness you feel when you are working like a carabao (we say this in the Philippines, I don’t know if you get it) but the truth is, I am not working at all. I am just walking around the flat, thinking, dreaming, of something to do. Funny because there are things that I must do but I keep on putting them off. Upgrading my blogs, designing a new website, learning German, house work, and writing are just few of those things.

Carabao? Am I writing it wrong? MS Word doesn’t seem to recognize it. It keeps on underlining it. Weird. I am sure it is an English term (of Tagalog-Spanish origin) for Kalabaw—a water buffalo.

Anyway, I don’t know why I feel so stressed out. Maybe, the idea of a stressful move is doing this to me. Yep, we are moving soon and until now we are not sure where.

Gosh I am so tired!

Keeping seven blogs is difficult specially when you are not earning anything from them yet. I hope that these blogs I am starting now will someday give me some sort of benefit because though I truly love blogging, keeping seven blogs is not joke. I can’t even start to complain how I am neglecting this blog.

But anyway, I will try to keep this blog apart from all the rest. I will try to keep this pure. No advertisements on the sidebar, paid post bullshit and the likes. This blog will be only about my unpolluted thoughts nothing more.

I don’t know but I also don’t like to link this blog to other blogs and I also don’t like to be linked. I don’t even like to fill my Blogroll. Weird huh.

Maybe it will change. I’ll see. It’s not so important to think about it now. I still have seven blogs (which I hope will eventually produce me some money) and German lessons to attend to—these are more important.

Isn’t it a wonderful feeling to be your self again? To know exactly what you’re going to do next, where you’re heading, whom you’re going to be with for the rest of your life and to know for sure that you are prepared to take whatever difficulty, discomfort, inconvenience, or even pain you might go through for doing it?

It is.

“I must have done something good to deserve this,” you might say.

And you’ll think of your past. All the things people did to hurt you as well as the things you did that, intentionally or unintentionally, inflicted pain to others. “Is it all quits now,” you might think but in the end, you’ll realize that it is not about calling it quits. It’s about forgiving others and forgiving yourself. But how about forgiveness from those whom I have hurt? This you will never know. But you go on having a peace of mind because you know that you already asked for their forgiveness and you know or hope that somehow, in their own time, they’ll forgive you.

So with a peaceful mind, you then can focus on the desires of your heart.

Follow it and be happy.

I haven’t written anything here for a looooong time. I know.

I have many blogs and this one would make it too many… three for the sorrow, four for the joy. I don’t know if I can keep up but I will try my best to update all my blogs regularly at least two post in each blog each week. Maybe I can’t do that because you see, the fact that I have neglected updating this blog for more than one year says a lot. Well, we’ll see.

When I came back to this blog a few days ago, I thought of completely deleting it but I thought it would be a waste. Not of the entries because I only have a few but of the name, MindKit. I think it’s nice. So I decided to continue it.

I also have to write my About Me page so I’ll keep this one short. I just would like to let everybody know that this blog is up for anybody who wants to read it.

‘Till next entry.

I am awakened twice everyday. First is by Francis’ alarm clock—this means getting up for a few minutes to make coffee for him and see him leave for work. I love doing that especially because in this way, we are able to share a little bit of time in the morning. Second is by my alarm clock which alarms at 9:00 or by the cleaning lady—whichever comes first. Thing is, I go back to bed and try to get an hour and a half of sleep after Francis is gone. Sometimes I am lucky… most of the time, not—like today, the cleaning lady came in at 8:15. I have to get up then to tell her that she’s not supposed to do the dishes anymore and it’s impossible to sleep after this because I can hear her moving around the flat.

I know it’s not a real problem. Lack of sleep is not a problem but lack of things to do is. I am so bored! It’s been more than two months since I started looking for a teaching job and I didn’t know that getting one here in Changchun is really that difficult. There are offered jobs somewhere outside Changchun but we don’t want that. It would mean not being able to see each other everyday again.

Oh well, life. Can’t have everything at one time.

On the other hand, I am really looking forward on how my German will turn out. We are planning to visit Francis’ parents sometime in the summer and I wonder if I will be able to speak to them by then. Talk about anxiety.

I am not feeling very well emotionally lately. This is due to the fact that I am left here at home alone everyday day leaving me nothing to do but those tiring profound thinking. Why am I sulking here? Why am I unemployed until now? Why are things not working for me? Why can’t I get a job in this place? Am I not trying hard enough? Why won’t they hire me? Am I not good enough? Why am I not married? Why am I feeling inadequate career and financially wise at this age? Why is getting married too difficult when we feel so right about it? When are we ready to do it? Why do I feel so bound to my responsibilities to my family? Why am I so hard on myself? Etcetera…etcetera.

I also feel that I am losing my friends. The people I know. I feel that somehow they are getting more and more out of reach for me. Sigh*

Being unemployed sucks! It makes you think a lot about things you normally don’t think about that often. It makes lose your self esteem slowly. It makes you overlook at the good things that are happening to you.

Francis is there. He loves me. He can very well provide for everything that I need. We are together and everything between us is pleasant. We don’t fight. We don’t argue. We’re not bored. We do fun things together like cooking, cuddling, talking, watching our favorite TV series and other activities like spending the weekends somewhere and doing something new. I am thankful for all these things but somehow life is not complete for me. Somehow, I feel useless.

I don’t want to be too dependent on Francis financially. I want to be useful to myself. I want to earn money for my own. Sure, Francis gives me money but it makes me feel bad using this money for my caprices… not that I do it that often but still. It’s not a good feeling getting my caprices this way. I want to keep whatever I have with Francis. I want our living situation as it is but I also want a job. Is that too much to ask?